Day 121: Overworked, Overcommitted, and Overjoyed

I only have three more treatments left.  My last round of chemotherapy is scheduled for May 5th. I can't wait to be finished!  Of course, that is just the beginning of the end of my treatment.  In June, I plan to have major surgery (tentatively scheduled for June 10th) to reduce my risk of getting breast cancer again.  And, I am considering having another surgery in a year or so to reduce my risk of getting ovarian cancer.

But, I am getting SO much closer to being done.  I am working too hard these days.  I am overcommitted with extracurriculars like alumni boards, museum boards, and I am overextending myself socially.  But I'm glad I'm too busy. I would rather be too busy than depressed. I would rather be with friends than alone. 

Plus, being busy also makes me motivated to do things to "de-stress" that make me feel amazing.  Like yoga.   Actually, my acupuncturist asked me the other day what I did to "de-stress" -- one of the most important things I do is to hang out with my friends.  So, committing to them forces me to de-stress from work and  medical appointments.

In Memory of Angie Levy

In 2007, a friend of mine from Wharton, Angie, passed away from breast cancer.  She was a year ahead of me at Wharton and I always looked up to her and admired her for her ambition.  She was an officer in Wharton's Investment Management Club and knew exactly the career she wanted after graduation and how to get it. 

She was a great mentor during business school. After we both graduated, I lost touch with her a bit, which, given her long work hours in New York, I figured was normal.  But I heard from her in 2006 when she shot me an email telling me that she was quitting her job at JP Morgan, moving back to Chicago, and wanted to get together. I had heard through the grapevine at Wharton that Angie was a breast cancer survivor, but I had never spoken with her about it directly.  So many rumors exist in graduate school, you never really know what's true anyways.  But, the back of my mind, after I received her email, I wondered if that was why she was coming back to Chicago.

She eventually told me in person, over happy hour one night, that her cancer had come back and she was taking some time off to focus on her health. She bought a new Mercedes Benz with the license plate "X Angel X" and rented an apartment in Old Town and was focusing on working out, living a healthy lifestyle, and dating.

The last time I saw Angie, the sun was shining and the weather was still great -- it was late summer.  We were eating an al fresco lunch on Division Street and I commented how great her hair looked -- and then I realized she was wearing a wig.  We caught up for a bit about little chit chat and then she told me her cancer had metastasized to her brain and that she was undergoing radiation to break up the tumors.  She made it all sound so organized and manageable, but after our lunch, I realized that what she had told me didn't sound good.  In fact, it sounded pretty bad.  But she never used the term prognosis or defeat. She always had a game plan.

Angie died in November of that year.  She was 36. 

Her mother started an organization called, "Angie's Spa" that gives free spa services to cancer patients at various cancer institutes around the country.  Here's a link to the website and a little more information about Angie.  http://www.angiesspa.org/

I have thought about Angie almost every single day since my diagnosis.  I reached out to her mother recently to let her know that her daughter has been on my mind and that she is an inspiration to me. I wish that I could talk with Angie today, ask her questions, and get her input on my treatment.  She was the most organized, efficient person I have ever known. 

On Family
My dad never fails to impress.  Last month, he released, Terror at the Fair,  his fifth book in the Snap Malek series.  Our entire family attended the book signing event that was held for him at "Centuries and Sleuths" bookstore in Forest Park.


My dad's newest book in the Snap Malek series

 


Dad and me at his book signing for Terror at the Fair


There was a great turnout at the signing.  And, more importantly, his five granddaughters were there to give their congratulations -- which was appropriate, given that my dad dedicated this particular book to his "granddaughters five". He just loves those little girls.  So do I.

On Friends
I have had a lot of wonderful support throughout this ordeal.  I had three wonderful out of town visitors over the last month: Ann, Christine, and Amanda, who are all very near and dear to me.  And, I have found tremendous support in my new network of breast cancer survivors: Heather, Tiffany, Kiran, Rachel and many, many others.

My friends are so interesting and inspirational. As I mentioned in my last post, Ann is an amazing inspiration through her work at Unicef.


Christine and me at Big Star having some veggie tacos and beer. 
Micheladas will have to wait until I'm off chemo.



Additionally, my friend Christine travelled all the way to Chicago just to see me after she recently returned from six weeks in Kabul, Afghanistan.  Over the last two years, she has made a career of democracy building in areas of conflict.  She is doing a lot of interesting work overseas these days and I thought it was particularly nice of her to take time out from these activities to come to Chicago for a visit.  We had a lot of fun running around Chicago and doing various activities.  Sorry we couldn't make it to Michigan Ave, sweetie. Next time, I promise!



Amanda and I (ahem) a few years ago at The Great Wall

Finally, my friend Amanda visited me last weekend for an evening after she had an interview for an educational strategy residency program with the Eli Broad Foundation. Amanda just transitioned her career from corporate strategy to educational strategy and works at a charter school system based in Harlem. 

Amanda and I have travelled the world together -  to countries near and far.  From the Virgin Islands and Mexico to China, Hong Kong, Iceland, Cambodia, Thailand, and Vietnam.  She is an all around "go getter" who always inspires me to higher standards of work, ethics, everything.  Plus, she's a lot of fun and a great travel companion.   Amanda, we need to plan our next trip, soon, sweets!

These women are the ones who inspire me to figure out what my next path will be.  I have a lot of thinking to do.  Once I'm done with chemo and surgery, I hope to have some time to figure out my next steps.

On Advocacy
One of my new friends who is a cancer survivor, Kiran, did a great interview on CBS News last week on triple negative breast cancer -- that's the kind of cancer I have.

Check it out here:
CBS Video on Triple Negative Breast Cancer

On Future

The biggest part of my future is Joe. 

The other part of my future is continued advocacy for women with cancer.  I am being interviewed tomorrow for Depaul Law magazine on oncofertility issues and will be interviewed next week on local television for BRCA mutation.






Peace and Love and Joy and Health.

Day 107: Into the Great Wide Open

Over the past two weeks I have been thinking a lot about mortality. I know it's morbid, but that is what has been on my mind.  Right before my last chemotherapy treatment I had a quick business daytrip to Detroit.  On the plane ride back, I read a supposedly uplifting (but ultimately depressing) book that referenced a woman named Anna who was my age, had a similar diagnosis to mine, who successfully went through chemotherapy and radiation, had a great attitude, only to have her cancer come back with a vengeance a year later and, ultimately, kill her.  It was not a good day for me.  I can't seem to get Anna out of my head.

But, while I was reading this book, I was also listening to some new music my friend Owen had sent to me that countered these negative words and I had a visualization revelation in O'Hare airport while listening to the band XX. 

So, why is the title of this blog, "Into the Great Wide Open"?  I know it's a Tom Petty song, but the image it conjures is that I have walked up the edge of this great, vast hole in the world. In my world.  And I have peered over the edge of this grand drop off and stared down into it. But in my mind, I just see myself turning away from it and walking away.  I'm not going to be defeated. I have come close to the edge.  I may get closer still, but I can will myself to turn around and go back to my life.  To my life.  I am in the Great, Wide Open.  But it will not swallow me.  I can feel for Anna but I will not become her.

So, enough with that depressing analogy for now.   Here is what else has been happening in my life over the last two weeks.

Made it half-way through chemotherapy!

Last Thursday, I finished my fourth round of chemotherapy, which marks the half way point.  And, I'm finally done with the horrible A+C drugs, which makes me sick just thinking about it.  So, I feel like I have something to celebrate  My last chemotherapy session is in the first week of May. I cannot wait!

My sister Colleen came with me for this session.  We had a nice lunch afterward at the Arts Club of Chicago, at which she is an esteemed member. It was a fun day.  Here's a picture from our lunch. 

Thanks, Colleen, for being a great supporter...and for lunch!  I love you.

Speaking Engagement

The day after chemo, I spoke at a DePaul Law symposium focused on Fertility Preservation.  This was at the request of a great woman I know who is a patient navigator at the Oncofertility Consortium.  She is amazing. Here's a link to their website:  http://oncofertility.northwestern.edu/ 

I told my story to a group of DePaul Law students.  Afterwards, I was shocked by how many people came up to me to express their thanks for me sharing my story and wishing me luck in my treatment.  After all, I'm probably only a few years older than these students and after they heard all the legal arguments for/against fertility preservation programs, they said that hearing an actual patient's story was the highlight of the day.  It  made me feel like it was a good use of my time.

The Trim

I received a wonderful surprise from my future sister-in-law, Melissa, last week.  She sent Joe an email that said, "To be donated to Pantene's Beautiful Lengths Campaign in Miss Bonnie's honor!" with the following photos attached.

By the way, the best part of this picture is that you can see Chet's little head in the mirror. He looks so happy!

Mel, when I got your email, I started to cry. Thank you so much for everything. I can't wait to see you guys soon!

Friends!

Following my busy week, one of my best friends from college, Ann, was in town from Brooklyn and we spent some time together. She was in town from Brooklyn for a conference around International Women's Day and she ended up staying the weekend at our place. We had a great time, visited the Mexican Fine Arts Museum in Chicago, saw an arty french film and ate a lot of good food. Here's a picture of her, Joe, and me at The Publican. 

Ann is so inspirational. She works at Unicef and is working to make the world a better place. While she was in town, she showed me a project that a few NGOs, including Unicef, are working on called "The Girl Effect" whose aim is to stop 12 year old girls from falling into poverty. Check out this great short video they made for YouTube.  It makes me want to change the world, too. That's the effect Ann has on me. That is why I feel lucky to have her as a friend.

My Blog Called Life

This blog is very self-indulgent. It makes me feel like Claire Danes' character Angela Chase from "My So Called Life." Self involved, brooding, introspective, trouble teenager.  But, I feel like I'm allowed to be that person these days.  A little cheesy.  A little hokey.  But it feels good to get all this stuff down in the blogosphere.



Peace and Love and Joy and Health.