Today was the first day following my lumpectomy. I was feeling surprisingly good, despite a little soreness and some heavy emotions resulting from the pain medication.
That is, until I received a phone call from Virginia (Dr. Kaklamani) at around 4pm tonight with results from my surgery. I was not expecting anything back until next week.
Virginia told me that of the seven lymph nodes extracted during my surgery, one of them tested positive for cancer. Major bummer. She said that she will recommend that I do not do two rounds of fertility treatments (Joe & I can only do one) and that she wants to get me started on chemo in 4 to 6 weeks -- with no flexibility. I really think she is concerned about killing all that could be out there in my bloodstream right now.
In addition, she said that she was going to put me on eight rounds of chemotherapy. I haven't heard of anyone needing to do more than eight rounds, so that also made me nervous.
Virginia said that, at this stage, my cancer is curable -- just as long as I follow her instructions and do this heavy chemotherapy program. In addition, regardless of whether or not I get a double mastectomy, I will need to get radiation on my lymph nodes to ensure that it kills all cancer cells in my nodes.
The one bit of silver lining is that Dr Hansen, my surgeon, indicated to Virginia that my mass was 2.5 cm and they were able to get "clean margins" which means that they were able to take the entire lump out and left nothing behind.
But I'm terribly sad it's in my lymphatic system...even if it's only in one lymph node, that means it could spread to my organs. I am so, so scared, friends. I don't want it in my organs. That is why Virginia is going to zap the heck out of it with her chemotherapy program.
Finally, Joe & I will lose the option of doing a second round of fertility treatment. We are heartbroken. We wanted to get enough eggs to be able to screen for the mutation. We may choose to freeze all the samples regardless of the mutation status, with the hope that in 20 years from now, this won't even be an issue. We will figure it out.
But a combination of the meds and my new bad news is making me REALLY REALLY down.
I just can't seem to get a break here. Every time I talk to a doctor, I get more bad news.
Peace and Love and Joy and Health.
Hang in there! The positive news is this was caught while still treatable. Yes you have a tough fight on your hands, but you know that going in. You have a great medical team, great man in your life, & great social support. You will look back at this time and know you beat this because of your strength and courage. Your mind will lead your body, and you will beat this and live a long, happy, productive life. Both of my grandparents have beaten cancer, which was diagnosed much later in their lives - now 92 and 89. Grandpa had it in his lymph nodes as well. I know all cases are different, but wanted to share positive examples to provide hope and strength. God bless!
ReplyDeleteGood morning!! It's a new day with new hope and new perspective today. Every day is a gift and that truth becomes increasingly clear with each passing day of your journey. This time in your life is tremendously difficult and will continue to be trying for you but already I know that you are up for that challenge. You are a fighter and you will overcome this. You will eventually look back on this time with a greater appreciation for life and tremendous strength. That much I know!
ReplyDeleteJust read your blog...clean margins is REALLY good news!!!!! Stay focused on the bright spots! Like clean margins, a loving boyfriend, sharp doctors and a new friend! Stay strong my friend!!
XOXOXO,
Angela
Good Morning Bonnie G from the West Coast of the Great White North. You are a huge inspiration and this powerful ray of light. Thinking of you and supporting you.
ReplyDeleteI am so so happy to hear that all is still treatable, that you've got an amazing partner to hold your hand, and family and friends that love you.
Gj and Pa
Stay strong, Bonnie - you can and will beat this!
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